From The Very Start
by bholley
Summary: Anna wants to give Elsa a wonderful birthday on December 21st, barely six months after her coronation. Elsa is nervous about it. Post-canon, platonic sisterly fluff, etc.


As the winter solstice approached, Elsa became increasingly nervous. It would be the first time in over a decade that she could celebrate her birthday on the same side of the door as Anna. And she was very, very afraid. Fear had always been a huge part of her life. Despite the knowledge that love will thaw, fear still had a strong hold on Elsa. _What if Anna throws a huge surprise party? I don't know that I could handle being around… all those… people…_ Elsa felt herself sinking into panic and was helpless to stop it. No tears fell from her eyes, but her entire body began to shake. _They'll all be watching me._ She stumbled as she tried to get back to her room – the one place she felt even remotely safe. _If there's a ball, I'll be expected to dance._ Ice sprang from her feet and hands and she tripped over it, crashing to the floor in front of her bedroom door. _And talk with people and… and… don't feel, don't feel, don'tfeeldon'tfee…_ Elsa reached up, fumbling for her door handle when her icy palm came in contact with an entirely different surface.

"Elsa?" The hand she now held was accompanied by a familiar gentle voice and another hand landed on her shoulder. Her raised arm was pulled down and she was brought into contact with a soft, warm body.

"Elsa, what's wrong?" It was Anna, the young queen quickly realized. The princess's insistent reconditioning over the past six months had trained Elsa to not fear her touch. There was only the slightest hesitation before the older girl let herself relax into her sister's arms. The embrace had already begun to make her feel better. She felt her racing heart slow as Anna held her close.

"I'm… afraid," Elsa whispered finally.

"Of what?" Anna asked quietly, but Elsa shook her head in response and her shaking increased. _I can't tell her! She'll be so disappointed. She'll think I don't trust her. She won't love me anymore! She…_ A gentle squeeze brought her out of her torturous thoughts.

"No, no, never mind. You don't have to tell me. Elsa, you're getting colder," Anna informed her worriedly. "Maybe you need to lie down?" Elsa nodded and let her sister help her to her feet. She was still pulled tight against Anna's shorter but stronger frame to keep her from falling. It was a good thing, too. Her legs felt like jelly even though she was beginning to calm down again. Anna cracked through the ice holding Elsa's door and led her sister into the room.

"Here, let's get you in bed…" Anna settled the still-shaking queen under the covers. She propped Elsa's feet up to help with the bodily shock that accompanied her panic attacks. Anna pulled the curtains closed to darken the room and set a chair at the bedside. She took Elsa's hand in hers and ran her other hand through her sister's hair. The older woman closed her eyes peacefully, enjoying the gentle touch.

"Feeling better?" Anna asked after a while. Elsa nodded, letting her body sink into the mattress as her sister continued to caress her head. The loving attention was distracting her from the fear and she felt herself continue to release the tension that had held her so tightly. It always lost its hold on her when Anna was so close. Her body was exhausted and achy, worn out by the stress of the panic attack. She could hear Anna humming softly as the gentle touches on her head and face continued. Moments later, the queen was asleep.

Anna let out a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding when she noticed the steady pattern of Elsa's breathing indicate sleep.

"Oh Elsa, what _happened_ to you?" Anna asked in a whisper, brushing a fingertip across her sister's cheek. "One moment you seem okay, and the next I find you literally crawling through the ice to your room!" She made sure to speak softly enough that Elsa wouldn't wake.

"What's going on in here to do this to you?" she wondered quietly, sweeping a soft hand over Elsa's still brow. "What are you so afraid of? I'll help you, you know. I love you," she murmured and pressed a kiss to Elsa's forehead. She considered leaving the room, but she ultimately decided to stay in case Elsa needed her later. She folded her arms on the bed and laid her head down. She pushed her head forward so that it was touching Elsa's arm; when the older woman woke, so would Anna.

The princess intended to take a nap, but her mind wouldn't let her rest. She spent her time contemplating what kind of thoughts could possibly make Elsa so afraid that she would regress into a fully-blown panic attack; it had been some time since Elsa suffered such an episode. Anna mentally went through the day's events, the tasks and meetings on Elsa's plate, and found nothing unusual. She tried to think of upcoming events that could inspire anxiety in her emotionally fragile sister. _Her birthday is coming up in a week, but why would that make her upset? Birthdays are supposed to be something you look forward to. She wouldn't be dreading that, would she?_

The redhead had been scheming for weeks already, planning a perfect day for Elsa. She'd thought deeply of what she wanted to do for her sister. She'd asked for suggestions and contributions from all of the staff as well. She had even made a chart to help herself brainstorm. She wanted it to be something Elsa would enjoy, so she had written down multiple things to avoid. These she listed again in her mind. _No crowds, no strangers. Maybe close the gates so that she'll feel safer. Cancel all of her meetings but make sure to tell her about that part the night before so that she can sleep in and not worry if she wakes up late. No big parties, no putting her in situations that require her to do things she hates – like dancing and talking to people she doesn't know or like._

Anna was initially a bit disappointed by the idea of foregoing a ball, but she knew she had made the right decision. It would have been torture for Elsa to be in public, forced to maintain her poise for a whole evening again. Six months was not long enough to recover from the last time. Besides, Anna was coming to like the alternate plan much better. Maybe it was selfish, but she was infinitely more excited to have Elsa all to herself on her birthday. She smiled sleepily into the covers on Elsa's bed. _You'll like what I have planned, I promise._ And soon Anna fell asleep as well.

* * *

The days seemed to pass slowly for Anna, but they came and went all too quickly for the anxious queen. Soon enough it was the evening of December 20th, and Anna decided it was time to begin the celebration. She approached Elsa after dinner and was surprised to see terror fill Elsa's face when she noticed Anna's excitement. The queen staggered back a few paces before trying to control her expression. It didn't work.

"Elsa? Hey, it's all right," Anna soothed, holding a hand out as if her sister were a frightened animal. "I just wanted to let you know that your meetings tomorrow are cancelled. If… if you can, I thought it would be nice for you to sleep in for a change. You know, for your birthday." She came closer, worry shining in her eyes as she reached up to smooth Elsa's hair away from her tightly drawn face.

"Is this what you've been worried about?" she whispered in sudden understanding. Elsa clenched her eyes shut and she dipped her head in shame.

"Oh Elsa, it's okay," Anna soothed, relieved that she knew for sure the source of Elsa's distress. "I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to do. There is no ball. No strangers, no dancing, and no making you uncomfortable if I can possibly help it. This is _your_ birthday, and I just want you to be happy." She was startled when Elsa collapsed into her arms, sobbing in relief.

"I'm… I'm sorry," Elsa choked out. "I thought…"

"No, don't apologize for that," Anna insisted. "I would have been worried too. But there's nothing to worry about. The best part is that everything I've planned is optional. If you don't want to do something, you don't even have to say why. If you don't want to do anything at all, I understand. This is all for you, Elsa." She pulled away slightly to lead her sister down the hall. To Anna's delight, Elsa looked significantly less afraid by the time they arrived in Anna's room.

"I've already called off tomorrow's meetings," Anna admitted. "I hope that's okay. I just wanted you to be free to do whatever you wanted on your birthday." Elsa nodded with tears in her eyes, not trusting her voice to articulate her thanks.

"You can sleep in tomorrow if you'd like. I know you're used to getting up early, though, so that may not work out very well. And… um… this is really only a suggestion. I want you to be completely honest about whether or not you want to do this. And everything else for that matter. I promise I won't be hurt or offended if you say no. Cross my heart." Elsa nodded expectantly, indicating that she understood. So Anna took a deep breath and continued.

"If you'd like to, I thought maybe we could have a sleepover? We could eat chocolate and read stories and talk? Or just be together and go to sleep?" Anna's voice was soft and hesitant, and though she'd promised to not be upset if her offer was declined, Anna was still desperately hoping Elsa would agree. There was no way around it – it would feel like a rejection if Elsa didn't want to stay with her tonight. Fortunately for Anna's heart, Elsa was already nodding eagerly.

"Yes, Anna. Please, let's do that. I would… I would love that."

"Really?" she squeaked in delight. "Okay!" She could not disguise the joy she felt. And it got even better because Elsa smiled at the sight of Anna's elation. The younger girl practically bounced in place at the sight of something other than fear on her older sister's face.

"My room or yours? Where would you feel most comfortable?" Anna asked, squeezing Elsa's hands in her excitement.

"Here," Elsa said to Anna's surprise. "We used to be here together. I think… I think I'd like that again." Anna didn't bother concealing her delight and let out a short squeal before rushing around the room, clearing her floor and bed of clothing and other items that were strewn all over. Elsa watched in awe as the cluttered space was quickly transformed into a halfway decent living area.

"Go change into a nightgown!" Anna urged her. "I'll be right here."

When Elsa returned, she found Anna in her own nightgown kneeling by the fireplace with a pile of pillows at her feet.

"Hey Elsa, how do you feel about heat?"

"What do you mean?" Elsa responded, confused.

"Well… I mean, I don't know. Do you… um… do you feel temperatures? I don't really know how your powers work or if they make you feel things differently than I do. You keep saying the cold doesn't bother you but does that mean you can't feel it at all?" Elsa put a hand to her chin thoughtfully.

"I've… never really thought about it. I think I do feel temperatures. I don't know if it has something to do with my magic or if I'm just used to it, but the cold doesn't really bother me even though I know it's there. And as for heat… I'm not sure. I was never around it much until recently. I can definitely feel it, though. I think it feels… really nice. It um… it kind of reminds me of you," she murmured timidly. Anna smiled and pulled Elsa into a warm hug before guiding her to sit on the pillows by the hearth. She put more fuel on the fire and returned quickly to sprawl on the pile of pillows with her sister. Elsa sat stiffly at first, but Anna draped the two of them in a blanket. The heat from the fire began to infiltrate Elsa's clothes and she found herself slumping to her side as the warmth soaked in. This made Anna smile even bigger.

"How does that feel?" she asked, laughter hiding behind her words.

"Mmmm," Elsa responded, closing her eyes and turning her tense back to the fire. She could practically feel her taut muscles dissolving into peace. She hadn't been this comfortable in a very long time.

"Pretty good, huh?" Anna murmured, and scooted closer to take Elsa's hands in hers. To Anna's surprise, her sister seemed fully relaxed and well on her way to sleep. _Maybe I underestimated how exhausted she really is._

"We'll plan tomorrow… tomorrow," Anna yawned. "Yeah. You just rest, okay? I'll be right here. Sleep well, Elsa. I love you." Still holding her sister's hands, Anna pressed her forehead against Elsa's and let herself drift away.

* * *

Anna woke late the next morning with a crick in her neck. It hadn't been an uncomfortable night on the cushions in front of the slow-burning fire, but it wasn't the most neck-friendly arrangement either. As her senses returned, however, Anna's discomfort was forgotten at the sight of Elsa peacefully asleep and curled up against her chest. A small smile was on the sleeping queen's face and Anna's heart melted at the sight. She realized that sometime during the night, she had wrapped her arms around her sister and pulled her close. And Elsa didn't seem to mind. If that smile was any indication, Elsa might have participated in bringing about this nearness.

"I didn't know you like to cuddle," Anna whispered in awe, but regretted it as soon as the form in her arms shifted.

"Me neither," Elsa murmured drowsily into Anna's nightgown. "But it's pretty great." Then she seemed to wake up more fully and her eyes snapped open. She tore herself from Anna's grasp and stared in panic at the younger girl.

"I mean… if that's okay. I'm sorry, Anna. You just reached out – I guess you were asleep. If you didn't want… I shouldn't have… I'm sor-" but she was interrupted by Anna's indignant grunt.

"Where are you going? Come back here." Anna stretched out and grabbed Elsa's shoulder, hauling her back into an embrace. The older woman was stiff with fear and confusion, but as Anna held her close and curled around her she began to relax.

"I _love_ to cuddle," Anna explained. "Especially with you. And if you like it too, then that's even better because this can be my first birthday present to you. I'm going to cuddle you until we get hungry enough to get up for breakfast. Or lunch. Whatever it is. Happy Birthday, Elsa." Anna's voice was muffled in the back of Elsa's head, but she understood every word. She sighed in relief and she gradually focused on relaxing against the warm body behind her. She still wasn't used to this much touch, but she loved it and had been craving it for thirteen long years. It was something she had only ever wanted to share with Anna, and now she could. It was lovely, she decided, and willingly pressed herself against Anna's body. She could still feel the heat coming off of the coals in the fireplace in front of them, too.

She didn't know if Anna had dropped off to sleep again or not, but at some point Elsa's stomach growled. The hand wrapped around Elsa's waist moved to pat her stomach and soft laughter tickled her ear.

"Are you hungry, too?" Anna asked, a smile in her voice.

"I… I guess so," Elsa replied, a little embarrassed and suddenly reluctant to leave the heavenly place they'd found. She put a hand over Anna's and sighed.

"This doesn't have to be the only time we do this, you know," Anna murmured, reading the dejected slant of Elsa's shoulders. "I would gladly cuddle you every night if you'd let me."

"You would?" Elsa asked in surprise, and actually giggled when Anna nodded against the back of her neck – it tickled. "Well, maybe not _every_ night, but I would like to do this again sometime."

"Good," Anna whispered and gently kissed the back of Elsa's neck. "So would I." Then the warmth left Elsa and she turned her head to find Anna folding the blanket that had been covering them, so she sat up.

"So… what do you have in mind for today?" Elsa asked, trying (and failing) to keep a little trepidation out of her voice. Anna set the blanket aside and put a warm hand to Elsa's cheek.

"Everything we're doing today is completely up to you," she reassured her sister. "I have plenty of suggestions that we can discuss, of course. I do insist that we get some breakfast, though, because I know we're both hungry. How about we start with that?" Elsa's face relaxed and she nodded. Anna smiled and helped her sister to her feet. Elsa left to change clothes, but soon they were walking arm-in-arm down the hall.

"I asked them to fix you something special for breakfast," Anna told Elsa, leaning briefly against her. "I hope you like it."

"What is it?" Elsa asked, but Anna just grinned and pulled her along.

* * *

"How did you know?" Elsa wondered minutes later as she reached for another pancake.

"I asked Gerda," Anna replied simply, with her mouth half-full. "She told me you like blueberries in your pancakes, so I had some imported on ice from Corona so you could have them fresh." Elsa shook her head, still in disbelief, as Anna devoured a fifth chocolate-chip pancake. The redhead simply smiled around it and once she swallowed she shouted, "Happy Birthday!"

"Thank you, Anna. This was a wonderful surprise."

"I'm glad you like it! I ordered a lot of them and we're keeping them in the freezer you made so they won't go bad. You can have them all winter if you want!" Elsa smiled and looked gratefully at her little sister.

"That's so thoughtful of you," Elsa commented with a small smile. Anna blushed and looked away, but she was smiling and very glad her gift had been well received.

* * *

"Would you like to go for a walk outside?" Anna asked. "I remember playing outside when I was young and looking up to the windows. Sometimes I caught a glimpse of you and I always wondered if you wanted to come outside too." She hoped her words wouldn't make Elsa sad, and was reassured when the older girl smiled.

"I did want to come outside," she replied, gently taking Anna's hand. "But it wasn't for the sake of being outside. I just wanted to be with you." Anna blushed again and bashfully bumped her shoulder against Elsa's.

"Let's go outside, then," Elsa suggested. "It's been a while since we've walked the gardens together."

Soon enough Anna was bundled up in boots, mittens, a hat, and a heavy coat. It was more than she usually wore to go outside in the wintertime, but Elsa seemed insistent that she stay warm. When Anna caught the glint of fear in Elsa's eyes at the prospect of Anna getting cold, her protests died on her tongue and she let the older girl swathe her in an absurdly long scarf. _I'm not going to freeze like that again, Elsa,_ she argued internally, but she understood her sister's fear. There had been months, after all, in which Anna was woken at night by Elsa's screams. The nightmares related to that day on the frozen fjord were slow to leave, and Anna wanted no part in their return. So she clomped her way outside with her much more lightly dressed sister.

* * *

As they walked outside in front of the palace, Elsa stopped in surprise.

"Anna?" she asked, confused. The princess turned expectantly, concern flitting over her face. "Why are the gates closed?" Anna looked to see and she relaxed in realization. She again faced Elsa and took her hands.

"I know that being around strangers makes you uncomfortable. I chose to close the gates just for today so that you don't have to worry about it." Elsa stared at her open-mouthed. _But having the gates open was so important to you!_ As if sensing Elsa's thoughts, Anna pulled the older woman close.

"You mean more to me than the open gates," she murmured against Elsa's shoulder. "We can open them now if you really want to, but I was kind of… sort of hoping that I'd have you all to myself today. I guess that's not really fair since it's _your_ birthday and not _mine_ , but-" she was interrupted by Elsa squeezing her tight.

"Oh _Anna_ ," she whispered. "Thank you. That's exactly what I want today, too. Just you." She pulled back to look into Anna's eyes. The princess was shocked to see tears brimming around blue depths, but her concern left at the sight of the fond expression on Elsa's face as she continued. "You are the _best_ gift. For years and years, being with you again was my only birthday wish. And now it has finally come true." They held each other close in the snowy garden, and it was the warmest of hugs. Anna couldn't help but shed a few tears at the thought of a lonely young Elsa longing for her, but there were also tears of happiness at the way Elsa was holding her now. The queen had one arm around her back to pull her close, but her other hand was lovingly cradling Anna's head. She nuzzled against Elsa's neck in response and smiled. After a time that never could have been long enough, Elsa loosened her arms and let Anna go. She did not move far – just enough to lean up and rest her forehead against Elsa's.

"I missed you _so much_ , Elsa. I'm so glad you wanted this, too."

"You are all I ever wanted." The depth of Elsa's sincerity brought tears back to Anna's eyes, but the smile never left her face. She took off one of her mittens so she could hold Elsa's hand better, and they continued their walk through the empty gardens together.

* * *

"Elsa, when did you learn how to ice skate?" Anna asked as they skirted the empty courtyard.

"Same as you – I learned when we were kids," Elsa replied, smiling at the memories.

"But I can't skate anymore! How are you still so good at it after all this time?" Anna complained.

"I'm the _Ice_ Queen, Anna. It comes with the job." Anna glared at her skeptically and she laughed. "I guess I'm just naturally good at things that involve ice and snow."

"I suppose that makes sense. Remember when we had that ice skating rink here after the coronation?"

"Yes," Elsa replied, envisioning it in her mind's eye. "Oh that day was so much fun, skating with you."

"Skating is a very loose term, then, because what I was doing was more along the lines of _panicked flailing_ ," Anna grumbled.

"You just need some more practice – that's all," Elsa replied with a laugh. Then she grinned suddenly and looked at Anna. Before Anna could do more than offer an expression of surprise, Elsa lifted a foot and stomped on the ground. Ice spread forth immediately in a wave of crystals, leaving a pristinely flat surface behind. Anna promptly wobbled and would have fallen in a heap if Elsa had not grabbed her to hold her up.

"Anna? For my birthday can I teach you how to ice skate some more?" Elsa asked almost timidly. It had been a very long time since she had asked for anything from her sister.

" _Really?!"_ Anna squealed and wriggled excitedly in Elsa's grasp. Unfortunately, her movement threw Elsa off balance and they collapsed, laughing, to the ice. "I would love for you to teach me how to ice skate!" Anna gushed, sitting up and throwing her arms around Elsa.

"All right," Elsa grinned. "But first you need these," and with a simple gesture blades of ice materialized on the bottoms of their shoes. Anna gasped in wonder and tried to stand, but ended up falling to her side again even as Elsa gracefully got to her feet beside her.

"How is that so easy – oh, right. Ice powers. Help me up?" Elsa reached down and pulled Anna upright, where she stood on unsteady feet and held tightly to Elsa's shoulders. "All right," Anna said amidst great concentration, "teach me your ways, you who are so wise in the ways of ice skating." Elsa rolled her eyes lovingly with an adoring smile and began to lead Anna around in slow circles on the ice. She didn't miss the jealous glare Anna gave her upon watching her skate backwards with ease, while Anna struggled just to stay upright. Each time Anna fell, there was a soft bed of snow powder to catch her. By the time Anna was finally worn out, they had made significant progress. With a wave of her hand, Elsa banished the ice rink and their skates. Anna stumbled once more, unused to walking on normal ground, and Elsa broke her fall with a snowdrift. Anna picked herself up and took Elsa's hand as they made their way inside.

"Thanks for catching me. Right then, and so many times before," she said to Elsa as they stepped into the warmth of the castle.

"Believe me, Anna. I never want to let you fall again." The sudden sadness in Elsa's voice alarmed Anna, and she quickly shed her extra layers of clothes in the hallway and came close to hug her sister.

"Hey, none of that," she admonished gently. "The past is in the past." She held on extra long in an attempt to convince Elsa of her sincerity, and she smiled when her sister's shoulders relaxed a bit.

"Are you hungry yet?" Anna asked eventually, pulling back to look at her sister's face. "We kinda skipped lunch, but supper should be ready soon!"

"You sound very excited about tonight's meal," Elsa observed. "Do you have anything special planned?"

"Um, of course!" Anna snorted, pulling Elsa by the hand. "What kind of birthday dinner would be complete without… sweet potatoes!"

"Wait, what? How did you even know that I like those?" Elsa asked in amazement as Anna once again pulled her toward the dining room.

"I remembered it myself," Anna boasted proudly. "I remember that we had some for dinner one night when I was five, and our cook roasted them with oil and salt and you absolutely _loved_ them. When was the last time you had sweet potatoes?"

"Probably three or four years ago. Mama and Papa had them imported for me sometimes – but not often. Apparently they have to be grown very far south. How did you find some?"

"A couple shady business deals on the docks late at night while wearing a dark cloak and disguising my voice," Anna said lightly, but when Elsa stopped in alarm she was quick to reassure her sister. "I'm kidding, Elsa. They came from Corona, same as the blueberries. You know I wouldn't do anything dangerous like that."

"I wouldn't put it past you," Elsa grumbled, but she smiled when she smelled their meal. Relieved that she hadn't upset Elsa too badly, Anna quickly tugged her sister into the room.

* * *

After a full meal and an even fuller dessert of chocolate, Anna and Elsa returned to the princess's room. Elsa glanced curiously at a sheet of paper on the floor that she hadn't noticed before. She scooped it up and laughed as she read it.

"What is it?" Anna asked, moving to sit on her bed beside Elsa. "Oh. You found my ideas sheet." She was slightly embarrassed, but Elsa seemed to be enjoying herself so Anna let it slide.

"Hiking, biking, sliding in socks, chess, jousting, tag, hide-and-seek, singing songs, telling stories, reading books, snowball fight, go for a walk, build a snowman… Wow, Anna. You sure had a lot of ideas for today," Elsa commented with a soft smile.

"I wanted your options to be open," she shrugged. "And I wanted today to be the best, most perfect birthday you've ever had!"

"Oh Anna, my sweet girl, it was absolutely perfect from the very moment I woke up." Elsa dropped the paper and hugged Anna warmly.

"Oh! Good!" Anna replied with a surprised, touched, and elated smile. She hugged her sister back, amazed at the fervency and warmth of her embrace. "And it's not over yet," she reminded the queen as they separated. "Is there anything on there or _not_ on there that you'd like to try next?"

"Hmm," Elsa hummed in thought. "How about reading books? Do you remember when I was learning how to read? We'd sit together and I'd try to read stories to you. I bet I'd be a lot better at it now."

"I do remember that!" Anna exclaimed. "I loved those times. You'd play with my hair and try so hard to figure out the words. I never cared that you couldn't read some of them – I just loved listening to you."

"Let's do that, then," Elsa suggested, standing up. Anna couldn't help but bounce slightly on her feet with excitement as they made their way to the library.

Elsa chose a book and they were soon seated side by side on the couch. She began to read and pretended not to notice the way Anna leaned closer and closer until her head was resting on Elsa's shoulder. Elsa didn't even pause in her reading when Anna shifted to lay her head in Elsa's lap. Anna was looking up at her tentatively, tense and ready to sit up if her proximity were unwelcomed. But she smiled and almost whimpered in relief when one slim hand left the book to tangle pale fingers in her hair. Anna was soon lost in the sound of Elsa's voice and the soothing pressure of Elsa's hand on her head. Worn out from ice-skating and full from dinner, Anna was soon fast asleep.

Elsa continued to read, letting her volume drop lower and lower until she was barely whispering. She ceased to read from the book in favor of looking over Anna's peaceful face. She ran her fingers across a soft cheek and smiled indulgently at the display of innocence before her.

"Thank you for such a wonderful birthday," she whispered to the sleeping girl. "It really was perfect from the very start. I love you so much, Anna."


End file.
